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My Outfit, Courtesy of The Women

March 1, 2010 14 comments

I’m not a bad dresser. Some might even say my sense of style is what the young kids call fly. But how I came to this place — where my clothes fit properly and the color schemes I rock always favor my skin complexion and dark features — cannot entirely be attributed to me.

I must give credit to the women, the ones I have dated, who helped me open my eyes to looks I never saw, and faux pas of which I was not aware. Though I have never been the type of guy who needed a woman’s touch (or held hand) in a clothing store, I must admit, certain items in my closet I rock with a little more confidence because a woman from my past once told me, “That looks good on you.”

Such words can go a long way, longer than any woman can imagine, and in some cases longer than they should. Trust me when I say, there is still some man out there wearing a Malcolm X bomber jacket all because a girl passed him by on the street back in ’92 and said, “Nice jacket.” Men will do away with a lot of things that remind them of that special someone they used to date. They will never do away with the clothes she said she liked. Certainly I never do.

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Categories: dating, guys, on something, sex, women

On PDA

February 26, 2010 34 comments

At a very young age, I learned the difference between PDA (Public Displays of Affection) and PDI (Public Displays of Inappropriate).

In the 7th grade, me and this girl who I liked and who liked me back, for some reason, decided it would be a great idea to go make out in a park underneath some sort of tree in the middle of the afternoon. Now this wasn’t during school hours or at a time when we were doing something else. We were in 7th grade (well, actually, she was in 8th, and I was in 7th), no one really has plans in 7th grade, not when their hormones are running on 10, but I digress…

So this girl lays down on her back, underneath the tree, and I lay on top of her, and we’re just going at it. And when I say going at it, I mean, we’re just really kissing a lot. I really didn’t have any clue what I was doing and nor did she, I don’t think. We just kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed until…”JOZEN!”

Yep, there was only one woman who can say my name so loudly while pronouncing it correctly. My mom.

Both the girl and I jumped up off the grass, shook out our jeans which were covered in blades of grass, and tried to act like we didn’t just get caught doing something we shouldn’t have been doing. My mom grounds me, right in front of the girl, then looks at the girl and says we should both be ashamed of ourselves.

In retrospect, my mom was definitely right. We should have been ashamed of ourselves, making out in a public park underneath a tree, for the whole world to see. Like it was a free concert or something. That isn’t PDA. That is PDI.

As I got older, I saw less people making out in parks. As a matter of fact, I really haven’t seen it at all, which tells me just how indecent I was, but sadly, I have also seen less PDA in general.

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Categories: dating, guys, on something, women

An Idea About Engagement

February 23, 2010 64 comments

They say an idle mind is the devil’s playground. Well, I say an idle mind is where genius happens because the other day, as I was taking a shower, I came up with an idea that I not only find brilliant, but worthy of application.

When a man asks a woman’s hand in marriage, she gets a ring and he gets a what? A “yes” one would hope, but after that, what else does he get? What kind of symbolism does he get to show he is engaged? Traditionally, none. While a woman gets to go around and flaunt a ring, an engaged man does not receive anything to show he is engaged.

Will someone tell me how this is fair? Then will someone tell me why women for so long have allowed their fiancés to go walking around looking no different than the man who isn’t engaged at all?

These questions are rhetorical. Instead of attempting to answer them, I aim to implement an alternative tradition, one that I hope other men put into practice and women will be accepting of.

As reciprocity for asking my woman’s hand in marriage, I too would like a symbol of our engagement. Something specifically for me. Here it is:

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On Apologies

February 19, 2010 15 comments

This post is not about that whole Tiger Woods dust up we saw a couple of hours ago, it’s only inspired by it. For anyone interested in hearing my thoughts on it at length, look out for the post I wrote on The Root about it, in a couple of hours. It should be there.

(Although let me say this: Tiger Woods sucks at apologizing. He may be a pro on the golf course, but man, when it comes to apologizing to a woman, Tiger Woods can’t see me. I’m way better than him!.  I should be his caddy for apologies.)

Apologizing, especially for doing something as frowned upon as cheating, is an art, and while I may not be a Picasso at it, I might qualify as a Thomas Kinkade. I mean, if anyone is paying attention to this blog, it’s obvious I have a way with words, so wouldn’t it only make sense I was good at apologizing? Of course it would.

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Categories: on something

Why Girlfriends Matter

February 10, 2010 33 comments

I can’t recall if it was a man or a woman who said it. Maybe it was both. But I do remember the first time I heard someone say being somebody’s girlfriend doesn’t really matter. And I do remember thinking, Wow, that’s wrong.

I don’t have a girlfriend right now. Haven’t for a while now, and to be honest, sometimes that matters. Sometimes it makes me think of the girls who I could have made my girlfriend, but because I knew I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend, I didn’t ask them. It sounds like a cop out, I know, but trust me it isn’t. I was a professional boyfriend for a long time, but I was so bad at it, I’ve been demoted to professional bachelor until further notice.

Still, my time spent with girlfriends past mattered then and it matters now.

Girlfriends, all of them, matter.

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Categories: dating, game, guys, on something, women

When Tears Hurt

February 2, 2010 21 comments

Cry if you must, men. Tears hurt when we hold them back.

This crying thing is not a woman thing; it’s a human thing. We can believe real men cry. We can believe real men don’t. What’s absolute is real men go through some heavy, heavy stuff, man. So let us not be machines here. Let us be men and if we are men who cry, I suggest some company. Tears hurt when we shed them by ourselves.

To any man who can’t remember the last time they cried, keep the streak alive as long as you can. Be blessed in the pursuit. Tears hurt when they’re unfamiliar. Take it from me, a self-admitted crier who has seen other men of the age of facial hair and being addressed as Mr. cry, the tears of grown men shock and awe. Those tears are the maps to the foreign places of a man’s heart and when we see them, we know we have never been there before and he probably hasn’t either.

Still we can’t be afraid to go where the maps say. Nor can we be too prideful to ask for directions on how to get out. Just let the tears go. Crying is not a gauge to measure one’s manhood it’s a gauge to measure the magnitude of what just happened. And if what happened moved us to tears, let us not dodge. Just let the tears go.

Men are taught not to cry, never taught how to deal with life’s greatest joys and greatest pains. Men are taught tears don’t bring people back and they don’t make people stay, just asked why even cry about it in the first place?

Well, I cry because I’m not a machine.

I’m a man.

Tears hurt when I hold them back.

Categories: guys, on something

Online Dating: What It Is, What It Isn’t

January 27, 2010 25 comments

The other day, someone took to my Formspring account and asked me the following question:

Have you done online dating? Would you?

In my original reply, I said I have never done online dating, but online courting is acceptable, which some might say is only half answering the question. I didn’t really answer the second question, whether or not I would do online dating, but here’s my answer.

No. Not right now.

Here’s my reason.

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Categories: dating, on something

Online Dating: What It Is, What It Isn't

January 27, 2010 25 comments

The other day, someone took to my Formspring account and asked me the following question:

Have you done online dating? Would you?

In my original reply, I said I have never done online dating, but online courting is acceptable, which some might say is only half answering the question. I didn’t really answer the second question, whether or not I would do online dating, but here’s my answer.

No. Not right now.

Here’s my reason.

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Categories: dating, on something

On Celebrity Crushes

January 12, 2010 23 comments

I have a crush on a woman, who to my knowledge, has only been in one movie. Her name, Tracey Heggins. The movie, Medicine For Melancholy. I saw it last year, three times, not because of Heggins, but because I actually did enjoy the movie. So much so, I encourage anyone who hasn’t seen it to order it on Netflix. It was independent film and a  few months ago, was released on DVD.

But enough about the movie, back to Heggins. Seriously. Someone please, put me in touch with this girl before she blows up and becomes the next big movie star. I need to meet her now and ask her out for soup before she goes the way of so many other women I’ve crushed on – the way of the red carpet.

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Categories: guys, on something, weddings, women

That Noise, That Glow

January 6, 2010 19 comments

When I was a kid, all I had was the house phone, and not my own line like some of the other kids I went to school with. I shared the phone with my folks and my younger sister. But guess who had the phone the most? That’s right. I.

From about 7th grade to the time I graduated high school, I would say 70 percent of the phone calls to our house were for me, and about 90 percent of those calls were from girls. And because it wasn’t until my sophomore year of college I received my first cell phone (my mom was old school to a fault, she refused to even get me a pager back when Airtouch was all the rage), the ring of that house phone was my favorite noise in the world, because I knew there was a good chance that on the other end of that noise was some girl’s sweet voice I wanted to hear. 

A lot has changed since those days, the late 90s, when one either had a cell phone and voicemail or they had a house phone and an answering machine. In 2010, we have all sorts of ways to keep in touch, from email and instant messenger services, to phone calls and text messaging. Skype, Twitter, Facebook messaging, I can’t even begin to count how many different ways a person can get a hold of me. 

But in spite of the numerous ways we can keep in touch with each other in this day and age, one thing remains: The feeling we get when we hear that noise or when we see that glow illuminating from our screens. 

That glow, these days, is right up there with that noise. It’s the glow of a person’s name we have been waiting to find online, an indicator of their current status. Are they available? Are they idle? Are they busy? Red light, green light, slightly orange, but maybe a dark yellow light. Sometimes it’s dim and sometimes it’s so bright, if a person was looking into our dark apartment from outside, they’d think lightning was coming from the ceilings. And when we see it, we walk into it as though it was The Light itself. There they are, we think.

Sometimes, the glow comes with that noise. 

We have all types of ways to be alerted to someone calling or messaging us. Scroll through any phone’s options and see dozens of different ring tones, not to mention numerous ring tones of our favorite songs available for purchase. Yes, indeed I was one time so smitten with a woman I changed the ring tone of her phone calls to a certain song I will not name, lest I want to hear the wrath of my boys. And yes indeed she also gave me my own ring tone for whenever I called her. It was all so silly, two adults, acting not like the kids we once were, but the kids of today who spend their little bit of change on things like Top 40 ring tones.

But I tell you, that noise, that song, my phone played when it was her who called was music to my ears. Sometimes, I would even let the song play out a little bit, not because I liked it so much, but because there are few feelings more satisfying than the one we get when the person we want to hear from most in the world finally calls us. It’s a feeling so good, we just want to keep it, because we know the minute we press the Talk button, the feeling is gone. Replaced by a greater feeling (that of said person’s voice), but still, we need a second to enjoy the moment of an honored call. If we have the phone on vibrate, let it shake in our palm just one more time.

Of course, the only reason we enjoy the feeling of that noise is because we have waited so long for it, or sometimes, not long at all. Sometimes, we just waited for an intense five minutes, a five minutes in which we did everything we could  do to not make it feel like five hours. We left the phone where it was, and walked around our place, searching for something else to occupy our mind, because we learned a long time ago, a watched pot never boils. So we tell ourselves to watch some television instead, but it doesn’t help, because every single sound the television makes sounds eerily similar to that noise we’re waiting to hear. If we find ourselves waiting too long, if say six minutes (didn’t they say five minutes?) have gone by without so much as a peep from the phone, we change the ringer. Put it on silent, because we don’t want to hear that noise anymore, from anyone. But then, just as soon as we have turned off the ringer, what’s this we feel? A vibration, a call’s coming through.

Wait for it…Wait for it…The screen glows, and here comes the name of the caller. Who is it? 

Mom. Dad. Sister. Brother. Best friend we talk to every freaking day.

Damn.

And so it goes. That vibration, that glow, that noise. All of that, never gets old.

Categories: dating, on something
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