The Problem With Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful Women Pt. 1
As singular as my blog is, as much as it is about me, I know the best posts I write are the ones everyone can relate to in some form or fashion, which is why I have decided to start what is going to be an ongoing list of gripes I hear from other men about women.
Some of them will be very specific, some of them will be very broad, and if I’m doing it right, all of them will be unique. In other words, this is not going to be a list about women who can’t cook or who talk too much. It’s 2009, time to step up our complaining and get specific, act like we have seen some things more than once.
To kick things off, I am only going to start with three complaints I received from three different male readers. In the future, I will feature more and I encourage any readers who would like me to voice a complaint about women to email me their complaint to UNTILIGETMARRIED@GMAIL.COM. If you know me personally, are a Facebook friend or follow me on Twitter, you can also reach out to me via those sites as well. No identities will be revealed and all complaints will be completely confidential.
Be clear, I have no intention of solving any of the issues I list, largely because I am not God nor am I Dr. Phil. I am merely a vessel, a communicator on behalf of the men who have trouble voicing their issues to the women who have trouble listening to them.
Speaking of women: Ladies, if you’re wondering why I will not be running a list of things men love about women it is because it’s impossible to create a wholly unique list of reasons men love women. I also can’t speak on behalf of women the same way I can for men largely because I am not a woman. Far too often, we forget how different women and men are, which is how we end up giving bad advice to each other, so I don’t want to continue the vicious cycle. Besides, as is the case for most things in life, we learn more from criticism than we do from praise. Just know my intent is not to be misogynistic or chauvinistic, but rather insightful and encouraging, hence the title of this post. Any man involved with a woman is probably, beautiful, smart, and wonderful. Why else would he be involved with her? But perfect she is not.
So here it is, the first part of what is sure to be an exhaustive, authoritative list, from which men can relate and women can learn. Just remember, these are not my thoughts (at least, not exclusively), only my words.
The Problem With Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful Women Is….
Nipple Hair
A male reader of mine told me about this fine woman he was excited to hook up with and by the way he described her, I could have sworn he got Beyoncé to cheat on Jay-Z. So when he told me to guess why he almost stopped everything (he didn’t) and left her apartment, a nipple hair was not even going to be in my Top 5 guesses.
I’d be lying if I said I haven’t felt one or two hairs in my years of sucking on a woman’s breasts, and to say it’s uncomfortable is an understatement. But even more than uncomfortable, it’s baffling because we wonder why it’s there in the first place. In a back and forth with the reader we volleyed reasons why women who have a nipple hair don’t cut it off and here they are:
- They don’t know it exists, much like I don’t notice a random hair that grows out of my forehead sporadically (this is absolutely true about me, not the reader).
- The nipple hair is connected to vital organs and snipping it off would be life threatening.
- They know it exists but think it’s sexy because no man has ever been brave enough to complain.
If there’s a fourth reason, I’d be interested to know, but I think this list covers the broader ones.
The Problem With Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful Women Is…
Low Sex Self Esteem
We all know how uncool it is for a man to brag about his skills in bed (even though I do it frequently, because I’m just uncool like that), but as a reader pointed out to me, since when has it ever been uncool for a woman to do the same?
A man’s desire to sleep with a woman is innate, needs no pretense, but as a male reader voiced to me, pretense can be sexy. In other words, any woman who has plans to sleep with a man should build anticipation by bragging just a little bit about what she can do and what she is going to do. I know some folks will say it’s un-lady like, and it should be noted all of these folks who say such a thing are ladies. What they don’t understand is it’s only un-lady like if done in an inappropriate place like church or something. But if it’s just me and her talking on the phone and making plans to hook up or in the moments before clothes come off, a little trash-talk is not only appropriate, but encouraged.
The Problem With Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful Women Is…
Their Underwear Never Matches
This is somewhat of a classic complaint, but that’s the problem. It’s only classic because it’s gone on for far too long.
Let’s be clear, just like I would never turn down a home given to me on the condition I could not paint over the ugly wall paper, I would never turn down what a woman is offering me after she takes off her underwear, even if they don’t match. But like a reader asked me, Wouldn’t it be nice if more women cared about matching their underwear? To which I said, It absolutely would be.
If ladies looked at underwear the same way they look at gift wrapping paper, we probably wouldn’t have this problem. I know just because it’s all pretty on the outside, doesn’t mean I am going to like what’s on the inside. But the gifts wrapped in the high-quality paper are so much more fun to open than the ones wrapped in left over newspaper.
No real man will ever call things off just because the bra is red, the panties are tan, and the woman looks like Target is having an Employees-Wear-Their-Underwear Day, but as the reader pointed out to me, whenever a woman does wear matching underwear and a man goes back to tell his friends, he gets way more high-fives. Way more.
Jozen
