Stories: “Awesome”

My ex-girlfriend wasn’t the first and only time I lived with a woman. About six years ago, when I first moved to New York City, I had a female roommate.

The thing about living with a person of the opposite sex you’re not sleeping with (but would sleep with if given the chance, only you don’t because one does not use the bathroom in the exact same place they eat) is both parties must be true to themselves.

The two of  us were roommates, not each others father or mother, so this idea that certain behavior was unacceptable on the grounds that it was unbecoming of a man or woman to act or speak a certain way was done away with almost immediately. The only way either of us were going to last in what at the time felt like a most unusual arrangement, was if she let me be a man and I let her be a woman.

This philosophy helped us stay the path of harmony. The two of us got along well, and I’m proud to say we never crossed that mythical line. For two years we were remarkably patient with one another, and as I recall, we had only three or four genuine disagreements. But awkward moments? Oh yeah, there were probably more of those.

Five Signs You’re Never Going To Sleep Together Again

How is it that two people agree to sleep with each other, only to agree they will never sleep together again?

I’m not talking about two people who have said beforehand, “Hey, this is a one night thing.” Or two people who say afterwards, “Yeah, we’re not doing that again.” They could be one night stands, they could be long-standing trysts. It really doesn’t matter. What I’m talking about is two people who had sex, perhaps enjoyed it, and then without saying a word to one another, agreed they weren’t going to do it again.

Well sometimes, the answer lies not in the overt, but rather in the subtle. Here are five of those signs that the person we slept with will never sleep with us again.

Via VIBE.com

This week’s installment on The Eldrick Woods Relationship Blog is about who else? Eldrick Woods, playa.

“Three Things Men Must Do To Watch Tiger Woods’ Comeback With Women”

On Faking Orgasms

What I’m about to say is going to shock many of my female readers, so let me be blunt.

Men fake orgasms.

Now I’m sure some women have heard of this phenomenon that is the fake male orgasm, while others are surely rolling their eyes and would also like to sell me a piece of property called The Statue of Liberty for cheap. Those women think I’m lying, while the rest of the women are upset I have just reminded them of a very sad truth. Meanwhile, my male readers are probably hoping and praying I don’t reveal the methods we utilize to fake an orgasm.

Don’t worry men, I won’t.

Via GQ.com

For those who didn’t get a chance to see, earlier this week I did an interview with Aloe Blacc for GQ.com. And if you don’t know who he is, well that’s why I did the interview. Click below

“The Best Part About HBO’s New Series? The theme song.”

Invisible (Beautiful) Woman

For those readers who pay attention, they may notice the lengths I go to to avoid talking about relationships and dating through the prism of race. This is intentional not because I’m colorblind to the factors race plays in dating, but because I honestly believe when it comes to matters of the heart, the only two groups that really matter are males and females; that what truly separates people from falling in love is more about gender, less about skin color and ethnicity.

But every now and then, I can’t sidestep the race issue. Every now and then, I must go in and acknowledge race matters. Today is now and I hope you all pay attention to what I’m going to say a little bit closer than usual.

Last week I was interviewed for a news magazine show on CUNY, one of New York City’s local channels. The story was a response to a story Nightline did earlier this year on this large number of single (beautiful!) black women. During the interview, the question was posed to me (I’m paraphrasing here), “A lot of black men feel they were portrayed in a negative light when this story came out. Do you feel that way?”

Of course I answered the question as succinctly as television allows, but if given the room to say more, here’s what I would have said.

Win, Lose, and Women

This Thursday, my love for tacos will hit its apex. I’m entering a taco-eating contest.

No, I am not a competitive eater. Although, I always manage to be the first one to finish my plate whenever I’m eating with others. Yes, I do understand there’s a good chance after I finish the contest, my love for tacos will morph into hate. But none of these things matter. What matters most to me is I do well, because if I do well, women will be lining up outside of the restaurant with Tums in hand.

I’m kidding.

I actually don’t want any woman I know to come to the competition. I understand they are there for support and to cheer me on, but there’s one overwhelming fear I won’t be able to shake. The fear of losing in front of a woman who has come to root for me and thus never getting fed tacos again.

I know, I know. It’s just tacos. What kind of women would ever look at a man differently simply because he didn’t win first prize in some taco-eating contest? But see, such questions don’t apply to any competitive scenario, even ones as trivial as being the first person to finish a whole platter of tacos.

Five Things She's Thinking And What I'm Thinking

There are things men do that often get misconstrued.

For instance, I have dated a lot of women who are obsessive about the gym. They not only are disciplined about their gym time, they actually savor it and enjoy it. Every once in a while, if I notice this gym rat I’m dating hasn’t been on top of it like she usually is, I might inquire and ask, “Hey, you good? I noticed you haven’t been to the gym in like four days.”

Now, some women I have dated understand I am only asking because I notice this break in their routine and that could mean something is bothering her. But some women interpret the question as a statement on their weight or how they look. “Why?” they retort. “Am I starting to look like I haven’t been to the gym in like four days?”

From there, I have to give the question some context, which doesn’t help because since we’re on the subject of looks (one that she brought up herself, not me) now we are going to talk about it.

This, my friends, is what we like to call a misunderstanding. These things are common in relationships and dating. Sometimes, even the best communicators often get misunderstood by whoever their dating not because of a lack of clarity, but because the other person is doing some serious overthinking or underthinking.

Below, five things that are misunderstood by some women and what the man actually means by them.

Via VIBE.com and WSJ.com

This week’s installment of “The Eldrick Woods Relationship Blog” over at VIBE.

“Interracial Love At The Movies”

A few words on Lil Wayne and Eminem’s new video for “Drop The World” over at The Wall Street Journal.

‘Drop the World,’ Lil Wayne and Eminem: The New Video

The Little Things I've Done For Her Series (Part 1)

Most men will never have to come face to face with a life or death situation to prove their feelings for a woman, and yet, anytime I am with a woman I am very aware it can happen at a moment’s notice. In the back of my mind I know I’m only half boyfriend, the other half of me is bodyguard or protector. Jump in front of a bullet aimed at her? I better do it. Push her out of the way of an oncoming car even if it means I’ll get hit by said car? I better do it.  Change the tire if it goes flat? I better do it.

But what if we’re not tested like that? What if we never get confronted with a life or death circumstance to prove our love. What does a man do?

Well, it’s simple. He does the little things.

These little things are sometimes nothing to write home about. Maybe we pick up her favorite snack while we make a quick store run. Maybe we rub her back without her asking. Or maybe we send her a quick text to say that we’re thinking about her.

All of this sounds sweet and easy enough because they basically are both of those things. But sometimes, the little things are the hardest things in the world to do. Sometimes the little things break our pockets because the “little thing” is a diamond ring. Sometimes, in a man’s mind, the little thing he did for his woman is something he has never done for any woman prior to her and since her.

In my years of dating, I have done my fair share of little things and I’m not talking about flowers. I’m talking about the type of little things that from the outside looking in, don’t look like much, but trust me, they are. There have been some little things I have done that have stayed with me longer than some big things I’ve done.

I regret none of them. Every time I look back on some little thing I did I laugh and  say to myself, Damn, Jozen, you must’ve loved that woman or maybe liked her a lot. Who knows? What I do know is there have been some girls I really liked (or loved), who asked me to do this little thing, and I did it even though in my mind, it was the biggest thing in the world.

Here’s one of them.